standing in the shallows
trying to catch a clear glimpse
of my reflection in the surrounding pool
if i could just see into my eyes, I would know –
the way forward
the right path
the answer to the question
i’m too afraid to ask.

just when the water starts to settle
a pebble drops from my hand
i didn’t know I was holding one
it wasn’t there a moment ago
and yet plop
the image distorts –
self sabotage.

finally it begins to settle
nearly there, nearly there –
out of nowhere
my nearest, dearest struts by
in an angry huff over some inconsequential slight
stirring up the sand that lay still beneath my feet
no truth to be seen now –
just murky chaos.

slowly the sand settles out
there i am
coming into focus –
a cold raindrop lands on my shoulder
another, and another,
the water’s surface a shattered mirror
life throwing down a deluge.

how can i expect to see
me through this mess?

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